Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Photo of my mom that my sister took years ago. This pool table was in our basement. We had to rent out the basement out to cover rent. My mom worked hard to take care of both me and my sister. I admire her so much. I recall in this photo, she didn't care for the previous, which you can see laying on the table. How pretty she looks in this one.
I last saw my mother's eyes open on December 28th 2003. I had no idea, the dr's had no idea she would pass away. She had a staph infection. They gave her anti biotics. They said in 24 hours she would be fine. Instead I received a call saying she was not responding. The dr's gave her 24 hours to live. I can't even state how I made it thru- sitting on the plane I kept crying, breaking down- realizing I was going to be with my mom as she died; sad. Realizing I was going to be with my mom- can I make it- no, the plane can not be delayed, my mom is dying- I have to be there for her when she dies.
I arrived around 3am- so worn- we had to ring the buzzer at the hospital so we could be allowed entrance. I suppose they know when someone is dying and pass a memo- for we were buzzed in right away.
I stood outside looking in at my mom in the bed for a moment- as my nephew (one of the lights of my mom's life) told me I had to be gowned and gloved. I stood looking in as my nephew helped me into my gown- I cried and visioned my mom each day of my life- being so active- protecting me so- and now her body has let her down and she lay unconcious. - Constently bothering and calling the nurses to help my mother - what does this mean?!!- give her something?!!
I told her we were proud of her, that she fought hard but as much as her soul
wanted to continue living on earth, her body was not as strong and that it was time for her to leave it behind in order to continue on. I told her that we
would not be mad at her for letting go and again how proud we are of her for being the caring person she was and for leading the giving life she did.
My mother lay still breathing heavely...except for the two times I felt movement- an attempt to squeeze my hand back.
The infection in my mothers body was too much and with her weakened immune system, she could not fight anylonger.
Her breathing was steady until about 1pm Sat. afternoon, then her breath became slower and longer in between.
She didn't seem to be, and I pray she was not in any pain- we were alowed to press for morphine twice every 15 min. in order to help prevent her from suffering.
My mother took her last breath at 2:05pm Sat. January 17, 2004, at the age of 63. Ten days shy of her 64th birthday.
How I miss her each and every day.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know anniversaries are hard. :-(

it's sad to think too, that as we get older we'll be faced with more and more loss. i guess all we can really do is treasure every day. love you!
xoxo, jared

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are the best daughter. your words and actions were so gentle and loving - i can't help but think how much your mom must have appreciated and treasured every last moment with you.

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sure she was happy to have you as her daughter.
I am so sorry that people feel a need to say mean things to you. Each and everyone of us has a gift to give in our lives and sometimes we don't even know who we impact.
Enjoy each day!

Martha

10:40 AM  

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