Photo's of my family.

The Pagan Book of Living and Dying

"This cycle of birth, growth, death, decay, and regeneration is the basic life-sustaining process on this planet. From the time of the emergence of human beings as a thinking, conscious species, people who have lived embedded in nature have observed these processes in action and have acknowledged our dependence upon them by naming them sacred. They have understood death as a natural part of the cycle of life, and have known, not through faith but through direct observation, that death is the matrix in which new life is born".

"Helping the terminally ill to consciously end their lives is a crime, while denying health care to the living is seen as sound fiscal practice".

I taped a note to the wall last time I came to visit my mom. I took that note which read "I love you mom!" and the last time I saw her, placed it in her right hand.

It has been the most heart-renching week of my life...and I'm so exhausted from the constent emotions I feel. I miss my mommy and want to hug her and kiss her again...

There has been so much- that I'm still feeling overwhellmed by it all..still in a daze...

We went to Ohio early this week...had my mom's viewing on Wed.- I had not seen my relatives for about 20 years, so it was warming- but also so many memories came flooding back.
My mother was 1 of 12 children (a VERY Catholic family!), and has 9 siblings who are still alive- it was great to see them all- especially my Aunts and Uncles and realize that they grew up with my mom; she was Their sister- and they all loved her deeply. I don't think I really realized how close they all are. So, I plan on asking many more questions about my mom- as I feel there is much of her life that I don't know. I think it is helpful to me to learn from them- and I think they enjoy remembering their past along with my mothers. I have 33 cousins who are now having their own children, so you can only imagine the HUGE amount of love and support my sister and I have been shown.
I think the hardest part was after the service for her on Thursday morning, watching everyone walk up to the pretty pink rose encrusted casket to see my mother for the last time. To see the generations of family's pay respect to her- expecially her brothers and sisters, was so sad, but heart warming as well. I KNOW that my mother is Proud and feeling the love of her family.

As my mother was in the Navy, she recieved a Military Honors service, which included a 21 gun salute and the playing of taps. After which, the flag which draped my mothers casket was folded and presented to my sister. Again, I know my mother is Proud.
It was 11 degrees outside- but my heart was still warm with the love surrounding my sister and I.

As my mother had not purchased a headstone, my sister and I went to pick one out for her. We chose an upright headstone- grey in color- which will include her name as well as her Madien name to identify her to her family. As well, we have included the line "Beloved mother of (heart) Sandra (heart) Jennifer(heart)". The headstone should be erected before Memorial Day and my sister and I plan to go visit- as well, we still need to purchase a footstone when we return. After my mother was buried, we drove by her plot and took a few of the flowers that lay on the ground over her. I think that although I have different beliefs- which I find myself questioning each day, it feels appropriate to rest my mothers body there in the plot she purchased- her final resting place in Lima Ohio, where she was born. Actually, her mother and father are buried not far from where she lay- and her brothers and sister's all (excpet for 1) have plots next to hers. My mother lay on the end of one row, and will be next to her 2nd oldest sister Mildred when she passes on. It is comforting to know that my mother, who was raised Catholic- and her siblings strong Catholics, will be near her- and to know that so many relatives live in Lima and can visit her site and take time to think of her allows me to know she will be watched over.
I feel somewhat ignorant that I seem to have forgotten how much family I myself have- and hope that in this tragidy I can reconnect with those who will accept me.

Tuesday, Jan. 27th is my mothers birthday, so my sister and I (if the snow does not prevent us) plan to take flowers to those at the Wound Care Clinic and at the hospital who helped care for my mother during her battle.