Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Monday
My mom was ommitted to the hospital on Monday. Her wound is infected and she needs help in fighting this infection.
The nurses were amazed that my mother was even concious because her blood count is so low. She was given two units of blood in order to bring her count up to where she would be able to fight the infection in her chest. Then, she was given a unit of potasium because of her irregular heart-beat. Her wound has grown in size, and the cleansing method used is peroxcide, then gauze is covered in a bleach-like substance and placed INSIDE the HOLE in her body (the radiation, biopsy and chemo have burned a hole in her that is now infected).

Tuesday
My mother was given another unit of blood, as well as another unit of potasium. She has been given potasium pills, antibiotics as well as painkillers and zoloft.
The wound has grown larger and is still filled with infection. The bleach (as well as the radiation- and tape they apply the bandage with) has made my mom's skin around her wound irritated and tender. At times, when the tape is removed, pieces of her skin come off. The pain she experiences when they clean her wound (which is now the size of a half-dollar, and is about 2 inches deep) makes her body shake. It is difficult to watch her in such pain.
My mother may be released today, however the Dr. is trying to find her homecare so that her wound will be cleaned by a professional. My mom wants to come home so badly, that she has asked my sister and I to clean her wound. Reluctantly, we agreed- as how selfish of us not to clean her wound because of what we feel- this is imparative for my mothers survival. I am going to visit my mom shortly, and see if a homecare person was found so that my mom may be released, if not my sister and I will assist if allowed.

She must first fight off this infection, her wound must heal so that she may continue with chemo treatment so that the cancer does not begin to spread.

Please- keep sending strong, healing thoughts her way.


Monday, September 22, 2003

I love my mommy.

There is no way one can prepare for this.

My mommy, who has always been a rather small thin woman is down to 91 pounds; frail and gaunt. While she still has her hair at this time, it is thinning.

I just want to hold my mommy and take her pain away; heal her- but I have to be careful when I touch her- she is sore on her chest and her back from the radiation treatment...and she is so tiny I feel her little bones.

My mom was told last week by the Dr. that he was going to stop chemo. treatment on her for 2 weeks because she is so frail and her blood count is so low that the treatment would kill her in 3 weeks. He is trying to give her body time to heal.

I am taking my mom to the Dr. shortly (she insisted she make an appointment with her Dr. rather than going to emergency!) as the wound from the biopsy surgery has opened and is infected. This is the most painful, surreal thing I have ever seen (while my mom claims it is only a bit uncomfortable for her); there is an actual HOLE in my mothers chest, and the part surrounding it has become green and is leaking with infection.

I have cried myself to sleep these past two nights, and try to go to the other room when I feel I am getting too upset. I have to be strong for my mommy.

I love my mommy.

Please, keep sending loving, healing thoughts her way- I know she feels them.