Photo of me from about 15 years ago. Looking back on my old photo's I think my body looks so thin..I think it's amazing I didn't fall over all the time, due to the weight of my MOD hair...

Tiny flowers.

I've been reluctent to post this photo of me and my mom because I felt she would be upset at me because of how she looked. It's been 2 years for me now- each day- and each I wonder if I will ever not relate time, days, months to the loss of my mother, but I've come to realize it is now what makes me -me. The devistating loss I experienced has made me the person I am now...and I am not ashamed- just different to some who may know me.
This photo I took of my mom. I look at it so often and wonder why she smiled when she was suffering so much pain. It's not shown- but at the time, she was reading a book about how families deal with members having cancer. I took this photo of my mom when I was visitning for Christmas- my mother passed away January 7th. I spend so much time trying to look into her eyes to find if she realized she would die so soon...
I don't think she intended to die, as she was a fighter. My mother died too young- 63 is not time for a mother to die...
I don't think I would have thought I would be in her hospital room- holding her hand as the infection took over her body only to leave her weak...and soon swell beyond recignition- only to take her last breath less than one month from the Christmas celebration.
I didn't have the greatest relationship with my mom- but I can say that loosing her is the most tramatic experience I will ever have. And in that hurt- it draws me closer to her each day.
I only wish I could call her up and hear her voice each day.
I know mom, you were not always accepting of my "gayness"- but towards the end of your life- you were being supportive and wanting the best for me.
And I love and miss you so much for that.
My mother survived 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer.
Each month I will continue to think of you and where you were in your health.
I still find it hard to believe my mother is gone.
My eyes fill with tears of loss for you each day.
I will always love you mom.

I took this photo 11 years ago- this year will be the 13th year of the Dyke March. Back then, there were no police blocking off the streets,- it was our job to stop the trafic so we could march, which of course was illigal, and many people got hurt. It's amazing how much has changed; it's a LOT more organized these days, no more police arrests and it continues to GROW in numbers each year! March on!

One more day until Pride month begins! Tomorrow, Rainbow flags will line Market Street! Happy Pride everyone!