There are some men I admire…

The count down is on…and I’m getting a little nervous about playing drums in front of so many people tomorrow.
I remember last time I played in front of more than about 20 people I got so nervous I puked.

I hope my stress “medication” helps calm me down.
And I hope I don’t play too fast.
And I hope I don’t play too slow.
And I hope I don’t drop my sticks.
And I hope the blisters on my hands don’t hurt so much that I can’t play properly.
And I hope that my writ problems doesn’t prevent me from pounding my drums.
And I hope the stage kit I use is set up so that I can reach everything.
And I hope I don’t pass out from exhaustion.

I admit it.
I have a few bad habits.
One of the most recent I’ve developed is watching this.
It’s not just that I watch it, it’s that I judge these people on their talent, and make comment…but then…isn’t that what the whole show is about?
Last Tuesday, after a performance by him, I called a “friend” of mine to vocalize my opinion (it was that he sucked). My friend was NOT of the same mindset, and thought the performance was Amazing. I then went on to say that song choice, does not make a performance.
He did not like this comment, and hung up on me.

So much for freedom of speech, and having your own opinion!

I hope my girl kicks your boys ass!!

A man called our Executive director yesterday and said he had tomorrow off, and would like to come in to meet with him. I did not intercept this message before the ED received it, and therefore I didn’t have a chance to “assess” his situation and needs. Anyway, the ED and I suggested that I give this man a call to find out if there is any referral information we be able to supply to him. The number that was left was a number to a hotel here in the city…all I know of its location is “Room 101 please”. Unfortunately for me (or would it be he?), this is the kind of hotel that only takes messages and hands them to the occupants (does this mean they do not have phones in their rooms??- I would think so…). I left a message, requesting that George in Room 101 call me back. Well, he did, however I did not answer the phone, and he left ME a message. He stated that he had tomorrow off, and would like to meet with the ED. No information that would inform me what this meeting would be about was left.
This morning (and I figured this is what would happen) I receive a call from the front desk. Yes, George has showed up for the meeting he wants to have with the ED.
I go down and meet George.
He is an older gentleman and in obvious pain..you know how you can just FEEL it?
I sat down with George and asked him what the meeting he wanted to have with the ED would be regarding.
He said “it’s personal”
-(ummm..you know, where I work, that might not be a very good sign- talk about the TOP of the largest LGBT community Center in the Country. There are a lot of “crazy, pissed off people out there”. At that point, I figured if this guy wants to shoot anyone, I would take the bullet.
I told George that it would really be beneficial for me to know what his issue was regarding, because the ED may not be the best qualified person to assist him, he may actually need to talk to someone else, and to be more efficient in locating the proper channel, I would need to know what this would be regarding.
He shook his head, said he understood, and wanted to go somewhere a little more “private”. –(ut oh).
I took him upstairs, and we sat down.
His eyes welled up with tears, and his speech was a little shaky.
He handed me a letter, told me to read it.
I again asked him what the letter was regarding, he told me a “friend” of his was incarcerated, has been for 6 years, and he wanted to try to get the Center to give him funds to bail out his gay friend.
I inquired if his friend’s incarceration was due to discrimination.
He said, well, he was arrested because he was in a car with another person who had drugs on them. He stated that his friend did not possess these drugs; however, he was found guilty of possession and sentenced to prison.
(shit.)
I politely told him that unfortunately, because it seems that this is a drug possession case, and doesn’t seem to have much bearing on his friend’s sexuality, and the Center does not have a policy developed around this issue we may not be the best resource for him. However, we can supply him with referrals to organizations that may be much better suited to assist him with his needs.
He said he understood, and thanked me for my time.
I brought him downstairs, and I gave him a referral for NCLR, they may be able to provide him with legal advice. I wrote down the name, address and phone number for him. He noticed the address for NCLR, and asked the cross-street.
I have a feeling NCLR will be receiving a visit from George today.
Good for him though- take advantage of the resources around you.

The Transgender Community Meeting took place here at the Center on Tuesday.
I was surprised, and excited (as it seemed everyone else was) by the turn-out.
There are so many diversities within the Transgender community that it’s difficult for them all to agree, because they have many different needs.
It’s a start though.

I’m busy at work, calling people who have rented rooms here…this questionnaire is too time consuming is mostly what I’ve heard (from the two people that actually called me back). I’m a little reluctant to call the SCA (sexual compulsives anonymous) folks. I’ve spoken to them before, and they can be a bit….time consuming…

I had band practice last night, it went well, I sweated a lot and gave myself a blow-out on my right thumb. Tore thru two layers of skin-ouch!
Our bass player, who is MTF said to two of my other band mates “if you keep calling me “he”, I’m going to pull down my pants and show you how wrong you are, then you will never forget it”. I thought that was great because these boys have been making the pro-noun error every time they refer to her.
One was scared by this threat.
The other intrigued.

There is a Winnebago parked outside of my house.
It's for my roommates to transport themselves to a "radical movement"...or at least that's where I think they think they are going...
ummmm....wouldn't Burning Man have been "radical" in the early 90's??
Now I think it's people who are out of touch, and not really even a real Part of the TRUE event (forgive me if you are one who has been involved all along the way).
Those who hold onto an idea of a conception that has had it's day.
Or those yuppie type folk who still try to pretend they CARE about the WORLD and those who live in it, rather than money, money, money. Why the need to go to the Desert to feel you are doing something..what about the need of those in your community..those in your neighboorhood..those in your flat...
As for my roommates, there is the (idiot) girl, who used to own her own web-business, that went down years ago..then she was project managing at a place, making a LOT of money...
When she got laid off, she said, "I could be an admin. Assistant, making 40k a year, but I'd rather slit my wrists"!
I don't even make That much money doing admin. work!
(There is a Winnebago parked outside of my house).
But she's down with the Burning Man deal... a chance to get out of the house (which I always welcome!) and sit on her ass outside of the house...how cool, to sit on your ass outside of the house for a whole week...doing nothing (after sitting on your ass INSIDE the house for almost two years)....SITTING...thinking you are being radical.
(There is a Winnebago parked outside of my house).
Then there's the (idiot) boyfriend, who is unemployed, does nothing but support the fact that his girlfriend is unemployed (you always need someone to reassure that you are doing the "right thing") and smoke pot...
(There is a Winnebago parked outside of my house).
My house is filled with supplies for Burning Man for a whole week.
Do YOU know how much food and beverage it takes to support people for a week of Burning Man???
Well I do...I've seen it...I walk around it everyday.
And tonight, they load the Winnebago and go.
I can hardly wait!!
(There is a Winnebago parked outside of my house).
Go, be on your merry way, go- sit on your ass somewhere where I don't have to see you sitting on your ass all the time doing nothing..having no responsibilities whatsoever...somewhere I don't have to see you being irresponsible with the FEW responsibilities you do have.
Go on, be gone already!

There's always the chance that they may have a break-down with the drugs...loose their minds, and never find their way back home....

Saturday Jared and I had transgender sensitivity training. I have always been in fascination and admiration by “trans-folk”. I still contend that going thru gender reassignment must be one of the most difficult things any person can go thru. And most likely, one of the most soul-satisfying. If you are lucky.

In our class, one of our facilitators, an FTM, spoke of his harassment, and how people on the bus- right in front of him would ask each other “what do you think IT is??!!” He stated that after his surgery, he finally felt comfortable. No longer is he depressed and in fear. He finally is projecting the image he has of himself on the inside- out.

I wish I could project the image of myself on people. At times I feel very "gender-less" in this society of "black and white, girl and boy"...

I am something in between.